...I’m finding myself searching for a bit of closure.
It took about 4 days before I stopped finding myself halfway up the stairs before remembering that there was no need to check on Joey; he’s no longer there.
It took only a week for the sudden stabs of pain to stop bringing tears, but for some reason, all of a sudden, I find myself breaking down lately if I’m alone.
Joey’s been gone for 3 weeks. I don’t question the decision to let him go. I had to make a similar decision almost 3 years ago with our sweet, awesome old dog Toby. To this day I have a hard time thinking about him without feeling that stab of doubt. In my head I know it was absolutely the kindest thing for Toby, just my heart evidently refuses to remember that part.
Even though there's no doubt this time, I hope you will excuse my need to have one more sob-fest while I show you some of the things I miss most about my Joey-Bug. (It is absolutely impossible for a mother of nearly grown children to care for a sick animal for 1 1/2 years and not come up with stupid, lovey-dovey nick-names. So he was my Joey-Bug, or Boogie, from his “swinging” gait because of his lack of digits.)
March 25th 2010, a package at the door!
First glimpse. We’re both a little scared, don’t know what to expect.
Warming up to each other. (The blue heating-pad helped!)
I never realized until after he was gone, how round his face was compared to the Meraukes. I MAY be partial, but by gosh that’s the cutest skinky-face EVER!
End of 2010. Cycles of up and down.
End of Sept 2011. He was looking SO GOOD! I thought we’d figured things out.
Then he quit eating. But he looked so good. I was just waiting for the day that he would just boogie right up to that plate of food and start digging in.
Instead he had a different message for me. He said, Momma, I’m done. I refused to listen, he couldn’t possibly be done, we figured things out, we knew how to help him, he looked so good!
Every night, after his lights went out, I’d go up and get him, put him on my chest while I read my book in bed. He would just snooze all warm and comfy. I regret not having someone take a picture; those are my favorite moments.
There’s no mistaking “that” look. There was no more denial for me to grasp. Oct 11th, I wrapped him up in my blue T-shirt that he’d been sleeping in, and let him fall asleep in it one more time.
Alright. I'm done. Thank you for one last indulgence in showing off my pride in having been so lucky as to have owned THE sweetest skink there ever was! How did I get to be so lucky?
I'm so sorry for your loss. This reminds me of when I lost my guinea pig Clover years ago. She was very old, I had her for years! She didn't seem sick at all, just old, but one day when I came home from school I noticed she was laying on her side and breathing really hard and fast. She was making little squeaky whimper noises. I layed down on the floor next to her cage and put my hand inside and pet her. I knew what was happening so I just layed there and pet her and the whole time she kept eye contact with me. It lasted no longer than a minute before she stopped moving and making noise. All I can say is that I understand how you feel. And just know that I'm sure Joey was thanking you for being there with him in his last moments, and for everything you've done for him. *hugs*
(i feel the need to say it again after looking through this)
