Mourning my beardie's death and resenting my skink?

[wrenpeters]

Hi everyone,

I recently lost my beloved Trogdor after she suffered from some reproductive and pneumonia issues. I lost her over the weekend and my heart is hurting very deeply. She had a calm and spiritual personality that can never be replaced.

I am also a mum to a blue tongue skink named Kona. I adopted Kona a few years after I got Trogdor, and our bond has never been as close as that with Trogdor. To put it crudely, Trogdor was Trogdor, and Kona is just a lizard. He is always busy and doesn't like to cuddle like Trogdor did and he is an incredibly fussy eater. If he's not eating on his terms, he won't eat at all. I have to force feed him and it's awful.

There is a big part of me that resents Kona right now and I feel awful. Have any of you experienced resenting your other pets after another pet loss? I accept that they're different and have different things to offer, but Trogdor was my baby girl and we were so well suited for each other. Kona just feels like a job most days. I want to find new ways to appreciate and respect him.

[Linnea]

im sorry for your loss, but much can be done for the situation with your bluey.

you should definitely not force feed a bluey. most blueys are picky eaters if theyre given the chance, as theyre prone to have favourite food.

they will not eat what they dont like, and are stubborn about it, but they wont starve themselves.
just mix what he should eat, and if he wont eat it wait a week and try again. if eh wotn eat it then, wait another week, repeat.
besides that they may also brumate and not eat.

remember an adult bluey eats every 3-7 days normally(depending on portion size), myself i feed every 4 days, but they can go many weeks without anything but water and still not loose weight.

when this is fixed youll never have to worry about it again, and the annoying moments wll be gone, helping your bonding healing process.

force feeding or having feeding issues is probably the main problem you dont see his best side either, its hard for you and hes probably not very happy like that either.

[macaroni_thief]

I'm sorry that you lost your beloved Trogdor, and that he's no longer burninating the countryside.

I agree that force feeding any reptile should only be done as a last resort for debilitating illness, which it seems like your bluey doesn't have. Beardies I've heard tell are voracious little fatties and will chow down constantly. But a healthy reptile that isn't eating, isn't hungry. It's one of the reasons why getting healthier, but not well liked foods can be tricky to get into their diet, because if they can go a long time without eating. We humans (the Great Food Bringer to our pets) usually cave in long before they get truly hungry.

As far as resentment goes, yes, I've experienced it. Mainly with losing one of my all time favorite kitties, and then realized that I was constantly shooing away the other kitty that had attached himself to my mother rather than me (cats always seem to latch on to one person). All I can say is that it takes time to get over the loss of a favorite pet. Give yourself that time. No other pet can ever replace him, but you can do your best to still give the best care possible to your BTS. Maybe over time you will build a different, yet meaningful relationship with your Bluey.

[taniya91]

as for the feeding just put his favorite food in the blender with foods he doesnt like i do that with my blueys and beardies and they clear their bowls with no problem, lizard smoothies

as for the resentment ...Ive felt like that a little bit but it faded really fast....i started to lose interest feelings for my young leopard geckos after my older one (had her for 7 years and she came from an abusive home) died, i kind of blamed the younger ones for some reason. when i realized this i started handling them more and spending more time with them, forcing myself to do so and i learned to love them the right way now i dont know what id do without them. they can never replace Nik but no other animal could ever replace them either

[Spindown]

Huh, I've never resented my other animals when I've had one die, and I dont think I ever could. Not even if one animal killed another, which is what happened last month to my pacman frog. (My cat got him somehow, the how is still completely mysterious). I keep animals because I love them for what they are, and understand when an accident happens its their natural behavior. I could never be upset that they were still alive when another passes away!

I'm sorry for your loss, but I'll admit I just cant understand the resentment issue.

I agree with all the above statements about force feeding...dont! Make the puree, it does wonders. If you cant get over resenting him, maybe you should rehome him and stick to beardies.

[Rani-May]

[quote="SapphireTigress"I'm sorry for your loss, but I'll admit I just cant understand the resentment issue.[/quote]
I dont understand the resentment either to be honest. I love all my current animals the same. But when ive had favourites in the past I never resented any of them when one died. It doesnt make sense to me considering it is not the other animals fault, and even if it were due to fighting or anything, as said, its natural, or if anyones fault, the owners. never the other animals. But everyone is different i suppose. Though ive never treated unfavoured animals any different to those that are favoured. it wouldnt be fair and if that was the case the animals treated with less love should be re homed to a loving family.
Im sorry you lost a pet its a horrible thing to happen. But I hope you get a stronger loving relationship with your bluey

[Rani-May]

^ fail on the quoting :/

[amb44]

I've experienced something similar many times with my rats. Rats, while lovely pets, are very, very sickly creatures. Generally they reach an age and they either get tumors or life-ending respiratory infections. The stress of trying to medicate stubborn animals who are dying, or spending $200 on a lump removal only to have it come back even worse in a month anyway has, for me, led to a lot of resentment towards the sick animal. I resent the fact that I have spent all this money and time and effort on an animal who is dying in front of me. It's horrible to watch your pet die and know that whatever you do you can't save them. For me the resentment is triggered by stress which is triggered by sadness, helplessness and grief. Maybe you are resenting your skink right now as part of your grieving process? I've only had my skink for about 6 months so can't help you with bonding tips, but just thought I would let you know you're not the only one who experiences negative emotions towards your pet family. I hope you soon begin to be able to enjoy your skink and appreciate him for who he is.

[Shortie]

Sorry to hear about your loss

About a year I lost my bearded dragon to kidney failure. It still breaks my heart to talk about it. I got Slinky a week later. I was suffering horribly from empty viv syndrome. I wanted a challenge, so I adopted Slinky from an owner desperate to get rid of him because he just wasn't tame. Nearly a year later and a lot of hard work, he's not so bad. At first, when i got Slinky, I thought, maybe he will be cuddly, but no. The complete opposite. He would've tried to take your fingers and your nose off. Safe to say I really missed my Ozzy a lot. So I left Slinky alone and I only went into his viv when it was time to feed him and to clean his viv out. It was only a few months ago that I realized that maybe Slinky just wants to be left alone. He was quite happy in his viv and running around the hallway but as soon as you put your hand near him he would hiss and strike. But recently, I've just stuck my fist in Slinky's viv and let him come to me and get to know me. One thing I did notice is that Slinky likes jumpers with the big long horizontal pocket at the front of them! When he's in the pocket, that's his way of 'cuddling'. You should try it, it's no where near as good as a beardies but maybe Kona will come out his shell a little and rest himself on your neck and shoulders? And with the feeding, make him some steamed chicken breast and shred it, put it on the end of your feeding tongs, or if you're brave enough, your fingers, and wiggle it about his viv. Watch him chase his food. Maybe it might interest him a little more? It worked with Slinky, but there's no way I'm hand feeding him without tongs!

[Niels D]

That's a sad story. Hope you will appreciate you're skink again in the near future. It's a beautiful animal in any case.

[Toxique]

I am terribly sorry for your loss, loosing a close pet is just horrendous, I feel for you and wish you strength.

However, on the opposite side of the coin, if at any point you feel as if you're going to give your skink sub-par care because of this resentment, I agree with the statement above, it would probably be better to rehome the skink (IF it comes to that! Not saying it will!) and stick to bearded dragons. They really are wonderful little lizards, and they just need time and attention to show themselves just like any other animal!

[chkadii]

One of the cats I had grown up with suddenly went into renal failure late last December, and we had to do the humane thing and end his suffering. Within the next month my boyfriend and I had moved into an apartment and that February we decided to get two kittens. While I can't say I've ever resented them, I did at first feel somewhat ambivalent. I had lost a lifelong friend, while the new cats were just... cats.
Eventually I learned to appreciate the kittens for their own unique personalities, rather than compare them to the cat I had lost. Give it time, and do what's best for both you and the skink.